Hello friends,
And welcome to the first of my posts where I’ll be sharing insights for encouragement and communal discussion from my private writings. If you’ve been following along with my journey through The Artist’s Way you’ll know about the daily practice of Morning Pages where you write from a stream of consciousness. What this basically boils down to is longhand writing of three A4 pages each morning as a means to get beneath the surface, to move beyond your conscious mind and make a connection with God. It is in this place that author and creator Julia Cameron believes we best position ourselves to hear from the Spirit and grow in creativity and personal fruitfulness.
As I enter my second month of practicing MP I can fully support this belief, I have experienced many wonderful benefits. As I sit with open heart and let my pen flow there have been several wonderful messages that have arrived rapid and shining to my understanding and I hope to share them with you. I’ll look forward to hearing your comments and additions and do hope these are an encouragement. I’m making this first publication available from behind the paywall.
My beautiful daughter recently moved out of the family home and into her own place which has been a joyous event to see her fly and flourish and also has provided me with a new spare room to store my gym equipment or possibly build that craft space I absolutely need? Since Zoe left we’ve had many more lengthly phone conversations which I’ve cherished. But they’ve not always come at a convenient time and are often over an hour long, we do like to talk!
Some of the the points which I’m sharing are not entirely new to me, I’ve intentionally practiced a few of them when the children were younger and home but they came as a bright and timely reminder and with expanded additions during my MP. I think they can stand us in good stead not only for when our children living away call us but at any time for that matter. I wonder what you could add to the list it’s certainly not exhaustive.
“If I could give you only one encouragement . . . It would be to measure your life by how well you have loved. In the moment that you love well, you are most like Jesus”
~ Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life
A LIFE that is Interruptable.
A story which has stuck with me for many years is that of Jesus and the woman with the issue of blood [Luke 8:43-48]. This encounter was not planned and it was not scheduled on his calendar. It was actually an interruption on the way to something else he was going to do, something very important. I remember reading this and having the question arising in my heart, "Do I have a life that can be interrupted?"
This example has guided me over the years when I’ve thought myself ever so busy equally with important things, to remember that even Jesus was not so busy as he couldn’t be interrupted. I think it’s a wonderful gift to give to my children to know that they can always reach me and that I will make time for them.
"One of the most convicting things I have recently come to realise about Jesus is that He was never, not once, in a hurry."
~ Mark Buchannan - Your God Is Too Safe
A MIND that is Undistracted.
Simply put, I need to put aside whatever it is that I’m doing; press pause, turn it off, close the page, put down the whatever-it-is and give them my full attention. Countless times I have been amazed at the work I’ve either been able to make up and fulfil despite interruptions, or even the abundance of productivity that has come when I have allowed myself to be available to love my children (or others) well. Additionally I’ve also come to care less about getting all the things done if it means I’ve given love to the person in front of me.A HEART that knows Peace.
I think this aspect grows out of point 7 but there have been many occasions where it’s also been a purposeful decision on my part. There are times when my children present their needs and I don’t feel prepared or ready, I’m possibly navigating my own demanding issues. It’s during these moments I have to make a choice to not unburden myself to my adult children but to keep my space and ears open to their situation first and foremost. That is not to say that I do not grow in adult friendship with my children as we come to share each other’s struggles, but I am consciously trying to bear in mind that my child will always need my support as their parent no matter their age. When I’m sharing my own challenges and difficulties I need to speak from a place of confidence in God's friendship in my life, and have a hopeful outlook for the outcomes. If I don’t have that confidence yet I can still have hope that it will come. My children need to know I’m ok, they naturally worry for me when they are away and the best gift I can give them is to know I’m well, I’m flourishing and I’m confident in God’s care.
An EAR ready to Listen.
Did you know that we have the habit of preparing our answer while someone is still talking? A sign of a good listener is that you are taking in the detail of someone's conversation and then telling it back to them. Listening well builds trust, it communicates to the other person that you’re genuinely invested in their life’s details and that speaks volumes in our self-focused culture.
When I’m undistracted and fully paying attention I’m more likely to remember the little details, to also be able to listen between the lines and discern something deeper which may be going on. It’s easy to miss the nuance when you’re half committed to a conversation.
“Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear
[be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak . . .”
~ The Amplified translation, James 1:19
A SOUL that is Interesting.
I’m convinced that as a mum to children of any age, as a woman, a human being, period - it’s a vital part of my own life-giving energy to have interests, hobbies or activities of my own. When I’m engaged in other interests I retain a sense of myself, my own personality and colour. These extra interests bear the fruit of joy in my life. My kids love to see me trying new things, experimenting, being playful, they see me as an interesting person and not just their mum, this beings new life to our relationship.
I’ve seen too many women abandon themselves along the journey of motherhood believing it selfish to spend time aside from their children, even so far as thinking it’s neglectful! As a mum, our default setting is guilt and sadly the wrong Christian messages can only add to the guilt pile and can reduce a woman to a shell of herself. It is possible to be a devoted mother giving her very life for her children and to have a life of your own.
When I employ my creativity and play curiously in the ares that interest me I flourish as an individual and by default, as a mum. “Hey mum, what are you up to today?” my children might ask, “Oh I’m replanting the back garden area and seeing what I might create there for us to enjoy in the summer” or you might reply, ‘I’m going sky-diving!” Well, maybe not that second option for me personally!
“Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, good mother, good–looking, good tempered, well groomed, and unaggressive”
~ Leslie M. McIntyre
A DISPOSITION that is Joyful.
I think this flows out of the previous point, God wants me to have joy, he wants me to choose and make joy. If God created a giant sea creature purely to ‘frolic’ (literally meaning created to play and make merry) how much more does he desire this for me? [Ps 104:26]. If you’re not in this place yet do whatever it takes to own your life and get yourself there. You need to live a sustainable life, one which brings you joy and enables you to be the happy mum your child deserves. It’s the old adage of your oxygen mask first.
I also believe this deep root of joy grows out of point 7 which is next.
“A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face;
a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day”
~ Prov 15:13 The Message
A DISCIPLESHIP life that is Growing.
I’ve heard it said there are many Christians but not so many disciples. I want my children to experience the vital aliveness of Jesus when they’re with me not just dogma. When I cultivate a habit of spending time nurtutring my spirit and soul the sap cannot help but rise and infuse the environment around me. As I grow into the image of Jesus I will always have something fresh to bring, some new sparkle to share, I will be rooted and grounded in his love which is in such stark contrast to the cynical and caustic tone of the world. Growing things are giving things, I will always have something to give, which leads me to my last point . .A ready supply of WISDOM where needed to Help.
All of the above will position me to naturally fulfil this last point.
‘my leaf shall always be green’…
‘out of my belly shall flow rivers of living water’…
‘on her lips is the law of kindness’…
‘your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path’…
‘if my eye is full of light, so will my whole body be’…
‘I will speak a word in due season’…
‘my words will be like apples of gold in settings of silver’…
'the tongue of the wise brings healing’…
'when I lack wisdom I can ask God and he’ll generously give it to me’…
[Jer 17:7-8; John 7:38; Prov 31:26; Ps 119:105; Matt 6:22-23; Prov 15:23; Prov 25:11; Prov 12:18; James 1:5]
I hope this has helped you today, it’s certainly given me a timely reminder of the importance of my daily relationship with God and of my children’s continual need for me to be the life-giving parent they deserve, no matter their age or stage of life and no matter mine. I’d love to hear your thoughts, do comment below or drop me an email, I love to hear from you.
With love and blessings,
Jacqui X
Eight Things Your Child Living Away From Home Needs When They Call You (Even at Midnight) 🕯️